Fear and apprehension in Madrid

February 13, 2012

I have a weird life. My "family" consists of my parents. I have no siblings so it's basically the three of us. And, while they love me and somewhat understand me, I always long for my extended family.

So, here I am, preparing to board a train that will take me to visit my cousin, his family, and my aunt in Spain.

And reality is setting in. We have such different lives. Between language (although I am generally proficient in Spanish...I don't always have the vocabulary to express myself properly) and lifestyle...I'm actually wondering if this was a good idea. Trying to form relationships like this is hard.

The hardest part is sometimes I feel as if I'm the one that's always trying. I do wonder if having a relationship is something we both want...or if it's just me.

I'm sure these feelings will go away when I am reunited with my family...but I have to be honest about how I feel today. Building relationships is scary.

But sometimes the scariest things become the things that, moving forward, I'll be most proud of.

Here goes whatever...