But I don't want to say goodbye....

February 22, 2012

I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. And yet, it’s time to go.

How did the time go so quickly? It seems like yesterday I was apprehensive about seeing my family…and now…I absolutely can’t imagine leaving them. I’m not ready to say goodbye.

And this begins the story of my life. A constant shift of beginnings and ends…of see you again real soon…and knowing that soon really isn’t all that soon. That life goes on without me.  And that what I really get is a glimpse into my family…and not a true submersion.

And yet, in the few days I was here I was able to share time with people that I do truly love and care about. I was able to share stories about times gone by, make a few new memories, and hopefully create a tiny shred of a foundation to build a relationship upon.

The hard part is when “real life” happens. When I’m back home, immersed in the routine of daily living…how is it even possible to maintain a relationship thousands of miles away? And this has been and will always be my struggle. My only hope is that this tiny shred of a foundation will withhold a relationship in the future.

I’ve wanted to make some life changes. Well…I guess that’s what this year is about for me. How I make a living and finding out what grounds me is of utmost importance. KISS is a great foundation…but I may have to find something else to ground me. Maybe KISS can be one of the branches…but somehow it can’t be the root.

I guess if this year is going to be fruitful….I better figure out where to plant my root. And, for me, fruitful means being able to share time with the people I care about, wherever they may be. So if I’m to have these branches extend so far…I better have a pretty solid entrenched root or I’m bound to blow away.

So in the next few hours…I have to say goodbye to my family and board a train back to Madrid. Onto the next life adventure…the next experience. I just really don’t want to go. Not yet. Definitely not yet.

My friends know I get sentimental and emotional about people that have touched my life. It is something I try to control…but really I can’t. I can’t control the gratefulness I feel for my cousins kids who switched bedrooms and made so much space for me. Or for my cousins entire family of four to share one bathroom so that they could offer me my very own bathroom.  Or how they shared their time, friends, stories…well, everything…with me. And when I think about how much they wanted me to be happy, well how can I be anything less that grateful to my whole family? How do I not get emotional over these things? It’s not possible.

To care about someone or something so much that you cry when you have to say goodbye…that’s a good thing (at least for me).

Hesitantly onto the next adventure….