Walking Backwards
It's the same lesson over and over again. When the hell am I going to learn? How is it I was so much smarter 20 years ago? Aren't we suppose to get wiser over time?
Life's failures really do a number on you. At least they have on me. They've taught me to doubt myself, my abilities, and especially my self worth. I see my failures rather than my accomplishments when looking back upon my life.
It's time to stop this. Ha! What a joke. Stopping goes against everything I hold as a core belief. There needs to be forward momentum. So now I'm doubting my own core beliefs. What is this new thing about? Momentum is what drives me. How can I stop movement?
So, I can't stop this vicious circle. I have to do the one thing that kinda sorta maybe makes sense. Walk backwards.
But wait. I have been walking backwards. I haven't been moving forward...I just keep moving backwards in certain parts of my life. There are some things I eventually want to do over again. There are some things I never want to do again. Maybe it is time to stop walking backwards. Or maybe it's just time to stop.
Am I back to square one?
Why can't I even find my truth?
Maybe it is time to stop.
Maybe it's time to stop writing.
Frustrations abound.
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