August 23, 2012
I don't want to! That's all I keep saying to myself lately. There's a part of me that wants me to do things differently...and I keep fighting that inner voice. I don't want to do things differently. It's uncomfortable. It sucks. I know what things are like now. I don't want to change anything.
After more than 3 years...I'm packing up the studio. It's the right thing to do...but I don't want to do it. I'm hoping this leads to some semblance of personal growth...but I'm probably not going to get that lesson for a long time. So, in the mean time, I'm just going to walk around pissed.
I wish I had a crystal ball to know what things are going to look like if I make this change or that change...but alas...I don't have one. I have guitar picks...but I'm not sure if those picks will open any doors. Oh well.
Of course, when it rains change it pours change.
My closing the studio will make lots of things harder for me. I may not see some friends as often, or at all. I might not be able to attend certain events as they are farther away and I have difficulties driving at night. So, in making one small change...there is this involuntary domino effect.
I've been talking about making this change for a long time.
I wonder what life will be like when all is said and done....after the sadness and anger wears off. Will I be better off? Or will I have regrets?
Seasons, reasons, and lifetimes. Everything has its purpose I guess.
Meh.
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