Forgiving Myself

March 31, 2012

It's been a little over a month since I've taken the time to write anything. A very long month.

Since I last blogged I met my birth mother for the first time, her brother (my uncle) and his family (my first cousins). I met some good friends in Miami where I was able to celebrate a birthday and see another put on a light hearted and life altering presentation on the dangers of drinking. I saw KISS perform at the Jimmy Kimmel show. I saw Jerry Seinfeld LIVE. I've had a chance to finally do some remodeling at the house. I've had the opportunity to spend some time with my parents and friends. AND I've been able to prepare for my first quarter back at UCLA where I will attempt to gain the knowledge I need to take my life in a different direction.

BUT I've also had to say goodbye to three friends that were instrumental in my world. My amazing house guests (and close friends) left after 3 months of sharing our daily lives together. Sunshine is on a hunger strike as she misses her doggie friends. These things are very difficult. In fact, they are so difficult I consistently forget all about the good things I wrote about in the aforementioned paragraph. I got caught up in the sadness of what I lost...and forgot about all I have.

I stopped working out. I really had very little energy to. I didn't want to blog. I didn't eat well. I haven't been a good friend to anyone, including myself. In fact...I felt like distancing myself a bit from the people I care about because it hurts so much when they're gone. The worst part is...within my internal thought process...I kept being cruel to myself and punishing myself for not doing what I was "suppose" to do. So every day I felt guilty.

Things will happen. I will become distracted. It's time to forgive myself and move on.

Goodbye March 2012. Welcome April. I hope to appreciate you.